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View Full Version : Hello, everyone. I have a message for Cy.



tekaril
01-10-2006, 01:12 PM
This is my first post here. I don't need a response. I just want to make sure it's been read. It's very important to me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Cy,

You don't know me, and I don't know you.

But I met you once, briefly at the concert in Santa Cruz last year.

And I was extremely nervous.

I was at the brink of tears.

I mentioned something about a career change, but I couldn't tell you.

I couldn't tell you that your music has been my favorite for almost 20 years.

I couldn't tell you how deeply I identify with your lyrics.

How I think we must have a lot in common.

How listening to you has helped me to look inward and deeply examine myself.

How your music has helped me power through so many crises.

Including the most radical, painful, turning point in my life.

I am going through it right now.

I owe you my life.

I don't know you.

And I can never repay you.

But thank you.


Brian

Bash
01-10-2006, 01:47 PM
Brian, welcome to our message board.

shoeman
01-10-2006, 03:30 PM
Yes, welcome. And what a powerful essay. Wow........

mich112670
01-10-2006, 04:59 PM
Welcome Brian. I couldn't have said that any better myself, I can realate! Stay strong!!!!!:goodie: :cheers: :D :wave:

heimo
01-10-2006, 05:09 PM
You do not need a response, but you get a lot :)

Welcome, Brian!

guido
01-10-2006, 07:17 PM
Hey another soulmate, welcome Brian!

Do post again... :)

msmith1
01-10-2006, 07:18 PM
Welcome, Brian!

Thank you for sharing how you feel, I feel the same way about Jamie and how he's affected my life--inspiring me to get fit, be myself, and learn to play guitar.

Kim:thumbsup:

The Queen
01-10-2006, 08:09 PM
Welcome Brian,

You have said what a lot of us feel. Beautifully written.

Inkblot
01-10-2006, 08:10 PM
Yes, that certainly was well-written.

Welcome, Brian!:cool:

Diamond05
01-10-2006, 11:00 PM
yes CY does have the gift of uplifting our hearts in our not so finest moments in life, and i guess we should all thank him more than we do-

Bri, Cy is very approachable and enjoys talking after the shows... Just like asking for directions from a stranger- He'll put you back on course!

2005 sucked royal *** on my end also, it couldnt end fast enough for me....

So think positive- leave the negs behind.....



all the best,

<>Dave

rockerchic
01-11-2006, 12:44 AM
See there Brian, The Fixx does have a way with Fixxing things in magical ways for different people! They are indeed the most down to earth musicians who did not let fame get to their handsome heads! They do make time to see their fans after shows if their schedule permits so catch em' again next time around and share your thoughts! - Rkerchic from Jersey

tekaril
01-11-2006, 01:17 AM
Okay, maybe I will stick around. And explain what's happened.

2005 saw the end stages of a 4 year addiction in a severely codependent relationship.

By the time of the Santa Cruz concert, I was living on the street in a beat up RV. And the only thing that was keeping me going was going to see the ocean for hours at a time. The only thing which has always calmed me like nothing else in this world.

"Ocean blue"

And I went to the concert and tried to talk to Cy, and failed.

By December, I was so far gone I was ready to commit suicide.

"Subterranean"

~ make the break, I'll meet you at the surface.... ~

And I'm away now, clean, rebuilding my life. Depending on the emotional support of those few friends I have left, and trying not to feel guilty about it.

"Everyone believes in something."

~ hardly the time to look back, are we still looking forward? ~

And "Treasure It" does feel very right, right now.

~ think positive, leave the negs behind ~
~ ain't no value till you treasure it ~

Because I deeply treasure what I do have left.

I'm staying clean, rebuilding, and confronting the issues from my childhood that made the nightmare of the last four years happen.

And there will be many more songs for that.

Thanks, everyone.

Steve Pariseau
01-11-2006, 02:07 AM
Brian:
You've proven to be strong in your efforts to overcome your obstacles. This made easier for you by wisdom and words from The Fixx.

Keep the faith and don't lose sight of your goals.

Welcome.

Doctor Roger
01-11-2006, 07:14 AM
Brian,

Welcome to the Board from another bay Area fan. I'm in San Jose, I see you are in Monterey. If I can help you in any way, or you need to talk to someone who's been through it all, please PM me.

We are a very close knit group not bound by miles or location. You see, you even received best wishes from Heimo in Germany!

Welcome again, we look forward to seeing more of your thoughts. You have some new friends here, friends who don't judge and are bound by common feelings about our Favorite Band! Hope to hear more from you, and to finally introduce you to Cy this summer in Santa Cruz, bring your camera!

With Love To All, and Welcome to Brian....

Dr. Roger

tekaril
01-11-2006, 08:21 AM
Thank you, Dr. Roger. I'm up late with insomnia.

I've been staying at a friend's house in Santa Monica right now. I'll be leaving here in about a week to meet with an old friend at a convention in San Jose on the 18th.

I've been "Pushing Myself" to do all the little things in life. Taking showers, remembering to eat, buying some decent clothes on a credit card, because she completely drained me.

And I realize that it was equally my fault.

I've been staying in Santa Monica because it's a place to stay for a little while with an old friend. Monterey is my spiritual home, but I don't know exactly where I'll be going. The RV is in storage, I'll put it in a park somewhere near Monterey when I get back, and charge it to the card.

The credit card that she took from me and wouldn't allow me. The one I had to report lost and reissued to me, or I never would have made it this far.

I'm still shooting to complete a belated bachelor's degree in the spring at CSU Monterey Bay. I have to get myself motivated to complete the "incompletes" from December. To convince myself that I should bother.

I'm dreading going back next week. I'm dreading going back to Monterey, to San Jose, to anywhere near there. Because she lives in San Jose.

I'm unable to sleep, because I have "Remember Me When I'm Gone" on repeat through writing this letter.

Because of: "I would have loved to die in your arms."

Because part of me still wants to.

Maybe I do have some "Blood brothers and sisters" here.

Maybe I truly can "Let my spirit fly."

Thank you so much.

Brian

Jeanne Thelen
01-11-2006, 09:57 AM
You've proven to be strong in your efforts to overcome your obstacles. This made easier for you by wisdom and words from The Fixx.

Keep the faith and don't lose sight of your goals.



I have to agree with Steve... keep in mind that you are SO MUCH more than this addiction.. and you have value ... and meaning in this world....


If Cy's words can give you strength, then take courage from them ... his words have often set me on the right corse and encouraged me to reach for
my own dreams.... and to keep my self on the straight path of WHAT IS TRULY IMPORTANT in this world ......


Take care of YOU .. and remember it is ONE DAY AT A TIME.... baby steps ...:)


PS. You live in My most FAVORITE place in the world ... I have found much spiritual release walking the beaches of Monterey.....:)
Jeanne :)

tekaril
01-11-2006, 11:34 AM
Thank you, Jeanne. Thank you, everybody.

I'm forcing myself to do all the little things in life. One day at a time.

Because I realize now that the reason for this addiction is rooted in childhood abuse. I'm starting to work through that.

Because that was never my fault.

--------------

What became of you?
you know those childhood dreams
what life's done to you
you should cherish every scar
but when you see it through
a gift for every bruise awaits you
you can see it through
can't you see
that you're still that little boy?

Brave
Beautiful
Spirit running free

Brave
Beautiful
Life inside of you is waiting

Bash
01-11-2006, 12:46 PM
Originally posted by tekaril

can't you see
that you're still that little boy?


When Cy delivers this line nearer the end of the song, it's one of those musical moments that stops me in my tracks. It's so pure, honest, open and simple, and such a heartfelt delivery. The first time I heard it (and several times since), it brought a few misty tears of joy, and the rest of the song supports that feeling of joy. Brian, if you're feeling low from your troubles, you've definitely picked a great song to hang on to...lovely thing about the Fixx is, there's so many more as well. But you know that. :)

Like they say, one day at a time...and "be brave".

Jeanne Thelen
01-11-2006, 12:55 PM
It's so pure, honest, open and simple, and such a heartfelt delivery. The first time I heard it (and several times since), it brought a few misty tears of joy, and the rest of the song supports that feeling of joy. Brian, if you're feeling low from your troubles, you've definitely picked a great song to hang on to...l



I agree Bash,... The first time I heard this song, I cried too....it is a song of great strength ... This song has great meaning to several of us on the board....

You did pick a good one, tekaril !!!!!

tekaril
01-11-2006, 01:19 PM
Thank you. Both of you. And all of you.

I had no idea.

I've always been shy and introverted. I don't reach out and make friends easily. But now is the time, definitley. And maybe I'll just stay here a long, long time. There's so many bits of lyrics I pick up on....

I've been asking myself the same question constantly, over the past three weeks, whenever my resolve starts slipping:

~ Will I respect the winner, in the battle for my mind? ~

It's a pleasure to meet you.

dee
01-11-2006, 02:45 PM
tekaril welcome to the boards! i am sure you will find alot of good friends on here and also support. i give you alot of credit for all that you have gone through! stay strong and good luck in all you do! dee:wave:

tekaril
01-11-2006, 05:20 PM
Jeanne,

I haven't listened to Camphor in forever. But how appropriate. Thank you.

There's a lonely dog so misunderstood
He's left his chores to become someone's friend
Things are so enchanting
High on life
Then once again the flash of pines
Beck to this breathtaking view
Where the peaks are so high full of encouragement
And the paints of the gods colour code
Things are so enchanting
High on life

Jeanne Thelen
01-11-2006, 05:54 PM
You are entirely welcome.....


Better to be "HIGH ON LIFE" than anything else... there is so much wonder and magic around us .... we only have to open our eyes and hearts to find that the most simple things can enchant us......:)





2005 saw the end stages of a 4 year addiction in a severely codependent relationship......


I have told all my younger cousins this when they have gotten involved or started dating.....maybe this might help with some of your regrets.....


" No man(woman) is worth making you cry or feel worthless.... and the one who is.... Won't......"

I do believe that every relationship happens, either to teach you something about Yourself or the person you are with .. every relationship is a stepping stone to the final one...Your true soul mate ... some of us may have to go through several teachers to reach the final one... others ... are lucky ... and find all their lessons in just one person....never regret ... just learn, breath, forgive if you have too... and move along... because you never know if this next one is your final desination .... :)

tekaril
01-11-2006, 06:21 PM
Jeanne,

" No man(woman) is worth making you cry or feel worthless.... and the one who is.... Won't......"

Good advice.

And thank you for making "High on life" clear to me.

I appreciate your optimism about finding another relationship. Maybe someday, I'll seek that again. I think it will be quite some time.

I have childhood issues to face. As a dear friend recently advised me: "Two halves do not make a whole."

Jeanne Thelen
01-11-2006, 06:27 PM
I think taking time for yourself and discovering who you are is the most important thing right now ..... a realtionship with yourself is also very important to embrace...


Your friends is right... only 2 wholes ... make a whole... :) and remembering that the start of you .. should not be the end of them.....or vice versa....

Steve Pariseau
01-14-2006, 12:49 AM
Hey tekeril:

Perhaps a bit of a side track to keep you busy few minutes...

Please cast your vote in Round 2 of the favorite fixx songs polls.

Links to each poll can be found here (http://www.thefixx.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3072)

enjoy

tekaril
01-14-2006, 01:21 AM
Thanks, Steve. Distraction is good sometimes.

And I voted on all of them.

Brian

Teunjack
01-20-2006, 12:03 PM
Welcome, Brain.


:wave:

Jeanne Thelen
01-20-2006, 12:46 PM
AND welcome Teunjack!!!!!! :) :D

Delfixxture
01-21-2006, 03:33 AM
Sorry about the delayed response but I have been very busy myself-college, work(3 Jobs), family of five. Welcome aboard the board- I too have been in your shoes but I tell you it's not worth it and You are worth it. Keep your head up and enjoy life for what it is- a ride!!!

Cygnet
01-21-2006, 01:48 PM
Brian, I think you've landed in a healing place here. Happy Landings! May it be onward and upward for you.
Because of your situation, you may not have access to the internet during upcoiming months. When you can't "get" to us here, know that we are still with you and Cy is too through every one of his lyrics in your mind.
Cy said to me once that "The Fixx is an interesting vehicle." I had been noting in a straight-forward way, his ability to reach people like myself (who feel like outcasts/aliens/losers) and let us know/feel like we're not alone. He, to me, has the ablility to cut through the garb that surrounds our real inner person. He touches people, soul to soul, like an angelic minister (which he would never claim to be...minister maybe, but he'd never claim to be angelic...) What's sad is that he only "knows" because he's "been there." But he's done something good with it, hasn't he! That should set the example for all of us.

Time for me to stop preaching and take a shower.
Seriously,
Cygnet (Rhonda)

P.S. If one day at a time is too hard, take it one hour at a time and if that's still too hard, shoot for five minutes. I've seriously been to that point...actually watching the clock and congratulating myself for having made it through another five minutes...and then painfully aiming for the next five. I'm depression free, currently. An amazing miracle I'm going to enjoy for as long as it lasts; Thank you to all who have helped (you know who you are.)

tekaril
01-22-2006, 11:27 AM
Hi everyone,

It's been a few days since I've been able to get on. But expect me to start hopping on more in the future. I've been busy reconnecting with some old friends I've lost and working on putting my life back together.

To everyone who said, "It's not worth it": Yes, you're right.

Best,

Brian

fixxfanatic
02-05-2006, 09:26 PM
Brian you have come to the right place here!
Know that there are many supportive people on this board.
Anytime you need to talk, vent, create share your soul....we are here!
I think the band seems to attract some people who are deeply in need of healing on the soul level because that is the level that the members operate on. They are the real deal....not big rock "stars" so untouchable that they are out of reach with the words they bring to life in their music.
So make yourself real.....find the real you...and be the best YOU that you can. I promise you'll find some peace and joy through it!
And think twice about Monterey....I hear it can be a very spiritual place!
Good luck fellow Fixx fan!