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Thread: If You're Feeling Down...

  1. #271
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    For Animal fans

    Snopes.com says this is mostly true. Read letter from State, then response letter. -C Troll


    December 17, 1997 CERTIFIED Mr. Ryan DeVries 2088 Dagget Pierson, MI 49339
    Dear Mr. DeVries:
    SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1 T11N, R10W, Sec. 20, Montcalm County
    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files show that no permits have been issued.
    Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris dams and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders that you cease and desist all unauthorized activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 1998. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
    Failure to comply with this request, or any further unauthorized activity on the site, may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
    Sincerely,
    David L. Price – District Representative Land and Water Management Division
    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20; Montcalm County
    Dear Mr. Price:
    Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to. First of all, Mr. DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, MI. I am the legal owner, and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood “debris” dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, nor authorize, their dam project, I think they would be highly offended you call their skillful use of natural building materials “debris”. I would like to challenge you to attempt to emulate their dam project any dam time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no dam way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
    As to your dam request the beavers must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity, my first dam question to you is: are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or do you require all dam beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, please send me completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws annotated.
    My first concern is- aren’t the dam beavers entitled to dam legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said dam representation. - So the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing dam flooding is proof we should leave the dam Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names. If you want the dam stream “restored” to a dam free-flowing condition- contact the dam beavers, but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously didn’t pay any dam attention to your dam letter- being unable to read English) – be sure you read them their dam Miranda rights first.
    As for me, I am not going to cause more dam flooding or dam debris jams by interfering with these dam builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers, be aware I am sending a copy of your dam letter and this response to PETA. If your dam Department seriously finds all dams of this nature inherently hazardous and truly will not permit their existence in this dam state, I seriously hope you are not selectively enforcing this dam policy, or once again both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will scream prejudice!
    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their dam unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green, and the water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I to live and enjoy Spring Pond. So, as far as I and beavers are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more dam elevated enforcement action now. Why wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and there will be no dam way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality (health) problem: bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump! Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
    Sincerely,
    Stephen L. Tvedten

    I don't know what I just said or why.

    From my heart & from my hand
    why don't people understand my intention
    -Weird Science




  2. #272
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    Jul 2005
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    Thumbs up This is absolutely 100% hysterical

    I love www.savagechickens.com , this guy's humour is priceless! ~Kim
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    My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
    ~Dalai Lama

    I reject your reality and substitute my own.
    ~Adam Savage

  3. #273
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    Liverpool, New York, USA
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    As someone who thought Sesame Street was cornball even when I was five, but gets called Cookie Monster anyway for my love of the darn things, I'm laughing on several levels!
    Maybe on course to the best yet!

  4. #274
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    made me think of this

    I love this one : )
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    I don't know what I just said or why.

    From my heart & from my hand
    why don't people understand my intention
    -Weird Science




  5. #275
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Camberley, Surrey, UK
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    The Philosophy of Ambiguity

    FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:


    1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

    2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

    3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

    4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

    5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

    6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

    7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

    8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

    9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

    10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

    11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

    12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

    13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

    14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

    15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

    16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

    17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

    18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

    19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

    20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

    21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

    22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

    23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

    24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

    25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

    26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

    27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

    28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

    29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

    30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

    31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

    32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

    33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

    34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
    From the point of ignition
    to the final drive
    the point of the journey
    is not to arrive
    anything can happen

  6. #276
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
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    LMAO!

    I like the fly one.

    That reminds me of a story. When Adam named the animals, the first thing he saw was a fly. "Wow! Look at that. It flies through the air. I'm going to name it the FLY."

    A little later. "Eeeew! It landed on some poop. Eeeew! It's eating it. Eeeew! it keeps landing on me. How rude and disgusting! Hey, what's that beautiful white creature flying through the sky. I'm going to name it the...DAMN!"

  7. #277
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
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    Somebody stop him! Next, he'll be rocking out to Neil Diamond!!!

    (this was in today's paper)

    FOND DU LAC, Wis. – Police responding to a complaint of loud noise have cited a Fond du Lac man for "rocking out" to the music of John Denver. A police who responded to the man's apartment last week could hear Denver's music through the door. The officer pounded on the door but the man didn't answer. Finally the officer found out the man's name from a neighbor and called to him, bringing the man to the door.

    When asked why he had the music so loud, the man said he was "rocking out."

  8. #278
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Kankakee, Illinois
    Posts
    3,352

    Assteroids!

    Hadn't laughed at these in a long time- nice to get some chuckles!!!!!
    "Even the devil may cry when he looks around Hell and realizes that he is all alone"

    Acheron Parthenopaeus

    (Sherrilyn Kenyon, Devil May Cry)



    http://www.wordclay.com/BookStore/BookStoreBookDetails.aspx?bookid=37784

  9. #279
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Western, PA
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    Attached Images Attached Images  
    "I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition was to eat, drink, and be Mary." ~ George Carlin.

  10. #280
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
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    Kankakee, Illinois
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    oh man!

    that was great!
    "Even the devil may cry when he looks around Hell and realizes that he is all alone"

    Acheron Parthenopaeus

    (Sherrilyn Kenyon, Devil May Cry)



    http://www.wordclay.com/BookStore/BookStoreBookDetails.aspx?bookid=37784

  11. #281
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    Kankakee, Illinois
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    just when u thought it was safe...

    ew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    "Even the devil may cry when he looks around Hell and realizes that he is all alone"

    Acheron Parthenopaeus

    (Sherrilyn Kenyon, Devil May Cry)



    http://www.wordclay.com/BookStore/BookStoreBookDetails.aspx?bookid=37784

  12. #282
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Camberley, Surrey, UK
    Posts
    1,018
    Got my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week, and recently got my daughter an iPod for hers, and was dead chuffed when the family clubbed together and bought me an iPad for father's day.

    Got my wife an iRon for her birthday. It was around then the fight started......
    From the point of ignition
    to the final drive
    the point of the journey
    is not to arrive
    anything can happen

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