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Thread: pot

  1. #61
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    Jul 2004
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    Grass Valley, CA
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    Brad.... We love you....


    You are braver than you know... because you really have taken the first step...again....Congrats!!!

    You have admitted that you are addicted... you know the steps to take... and you know what it has done or is doing to you and the ones who love you....


    The truth is the ones who love you ( and trust me I know this for a fact) can talk, plead,beg, yell scream, cry and throw the guilt of " do you even understand what you are doing not only to your self and the ones who love you the most..." until they are blue in the face...but until you want to make the effort to make a difference in your life...it will fall on deaf ears.... that is the meaning of
    DENIAL
    D.E.N. I. A. L.
    Don't even No(know) I am Lying.....

    You have to believe that you deserve to be present in your life...
    WE deserve to have you present in our life....
    Just like Jetrell said... it is sad when it becomes to late....I will share something with you...

    My Uncle is in prison for Meth...He was always a pot smoker.. He and my Cousin ( his daughter ) just went off the deep end... and they got involved with the wrong people...

    My cousin died in June 2006...and the one thing my uncle said to me is that drugs will only lead you 3 places... "Death, Insanity and Jail.... I was in insane to do this to my life, My daughter is dead and I am now in jail for the next 15 years of my life..."

    I am not saying that will be everyones fate ... but there comes a time when you have to make a choice... it will be the hardest choice of your life.. .and it will be a daily struggle.... everyday...
    But you will have to choose what is more important.... You..

    and sometimes it is only when you realize what you have lost... what you are going to lose.. you regret the those things... you regret that you had people in your life who loved you so much but just could not stand to watch your suffering.... you regret the things you said and did to those who love and care about you just for the sake of getting your next fix....

    You know... it is never to late to come back.... sometimes it is just the pride of realizing you have made a mistake, you have hurt the ones you love and the ones who love you ... but making the steps to correct this.. to be humble and say..." man... I messed up... I need your help, love and support..." will alway bring you home to the ones who love you the most with open arms....I imagine that your wife has been very understanding and supportive...

    life is to short for regrets.... come back ... we will understand your struggles... we will understand that you will fall occasionally... and we will be right there to help you as you help yourself....

    it is a choice.... choose life and love....
    You pass like the moon in silence
    In the warm flooded air
    Looking back to those lost opportunities
    So often missed or ignored
    A thousand times I start heading for the dawn
    Only to turn around and face this rue once more
    There 's something ahead of you
    Cy Curnin

    Don't die, with your music still inside of you.

  2. #62
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    105
    Brad,

    Thanks for the kind words, they are appreciated. You HAVE support here if needed. I will gladly accept pm's even if you just need to talk something out without a response....or just a return smiley.

    Let us Fixxtures be YOUR Fixx.



    Stay safe my friend.

    Shawn

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Liverpool, New York, USA
    Posts
    1,650
    Hmmm...been a while since I posted here. Since that time, I've found out that a few people I know (one of whom is a person I GREATLY admire in many ways) smoke pot. I've learned that while for some people it becomes a huge problem, which I would have expected, for others, it's something largely controllable, which I wouldn't have. I suppose I still worry that it's going to become the former for the people I know, but I have to trust that they can keep matters under control, or ask for help if they can't. Otherwise, I'm just meddling, which only makes people angry (boy, have I learned that the hard way this year). And, I've realized that having a drink once in a while is along the same lines as smoking once in a while (maybe worse). Heck, I've learned that anything can become a vice...we all need to eat, for example, but I got some test results back a few minutes ago that show that, if I don't stop putting food down my throat at the rate and quality I am, I'm gonna be dead!

    So in that vein (literally) I think what I said before -

    Originally posted by Carrie
    I'm always glad to hear when someone has stopped doing something that hurts themselves and the people around them, and who's fortunate enough to have been able to before things went too far.
    - still applies. I just hope I can take my own advice, and that we all know ourselves well enough to know what we can handle, and what we can't, and try to act accordingly. Addictions are sure tough to beat, though, no matter what they're to, so be patient with yourselves, and try as many times as it takes.
    Maybe on course to the best yet!

  4. #64
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Vestavia Hills, AL, USA
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    Octo:

    I want you to win this battle.

    You have my full support.


    John
    I don't "go through channels." I dig my own....

  5. #65
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    A sort of place you don't often find. A quiet room to go out of your mind.
    Posts
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    The Woodspider


    I don't know what I just said or why.

    From my heart & from my hand
    why don't people understand my intention
    -Weird Science




  6. #66
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    Jul 2004
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    Grass Valley, CA
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    OMG Cary... That spider documentary is the funniest thing I have ever seen... I have forgotten all about that one... I think I still have that in my email somewhere......You just brought back some really funny memories for me....
    You pass like the moon in silence
    In the warm flooded air
    Looking back to those lost opportunities
    So often missed or ignored
    A thousand times I start heading for the dawn
    Only to turn around and face this rue once more
    There 's something ahead of you
    Cy Curnin

    Don't die, with your music still inside of you.

  7. #67
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    A sort of place you don't often find. A quiet room to go out of your mind.
    Posts
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    This is messed up : )

    Jeanne, I saw this on FB today, hadn't seen it before. When the crack cocaine spider rolls out, LOL! Listen...he says "figured building webs is for suckas".

    I don't know what I just said or why.

    From my heart & from my hand
    why don't people understand my intention
    -Weird Science




  8. #68
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Las Vegas ...all 54 years of the life so far
    Posts
    279
    Octo/Brad & to all ... very interesting posts. im not posting this to be an opinion , i would pray that this post may help anyone , with the difficult choice of staying clean & sober when addiction has set in. i never thought life could be lived that way. Brad i dont know you but i pray that you find a easier way of life, i wish the best for you.
    its like chasing the wind , bout the time you think you've caught up with it , it turns on you and goes the other direction. chasing constantly . i smoked my first joint when i was 12 . i started drinking alcohol at the very innocent age of 11 . by the time i was 35 i was in care unit and joined aa in 1989 . it took me now 20 years to get 7 years & 7 months clean & sober. I really relate to your "once again's" . the relapses i suffered always were short lived cause "once again" i was either shitfaced or so stoned i thought i was gunna die, all in matter of hours, not days. i couldnt remember , did i stop at that stop sign back there, while chasing the wind? did i ? ...ect.
    every "once again" you have had, i expierenced too... most of my lifetime friends are dead as direct result of issues on post. my very best friend, died from brain aneurism after using meth, although he had TRIED to stop for 6 months , after 15 years of use. He was 35. and like others have shared He was a good person . i just took flowers to his grave sept 21 . i have never missed a year since he died 18 years ago . i miss him like it was yesterday. we all started with pot & alcohol. in turn, lead to need a stronger fix. im very fortunate that i havnt lost my life yet or second wife and family members, the rest is irrelevant (stuff)...but...now i suffer with chronic hepatits C (liver disease) ive been battling the disease since feb of 1992 . im in stage 4 grade 3 which is not good. ive already had 4 long treatments of interferon. (kinda like chemo) since 1997, but with no luck . im geno type 1b , a very difficult geno type to beat. we are now trying to procede with my 5th treatment ...but we have run into brick walls . im paying the PRICE for all my selfish "once again's "... from back in the days . there is an old saying, that i love the most, that i try to live by.
    A true friend is...someone who knows all about you...but...likes you anyway..., i have no room for judgement or opinions. i have all the excuses one could need to smoke pot for relief, ive had several back surgeries and left hip replaced too. But i cant do the old self, because of the "once again's " plus you have to be clean & sober to get a liver transplant. but it still haunts me to this day, those fleeting thoughts. (fixgregory, not good )...i have spiritual tools these days to beat them back.
    Jesus was the first to share " live one day at a time" and thats the only way to live in soberity... 1 day at a time. If and when i meet my maker and He asks what would you do over ? i would tell Him that first joint and that first drink , i wish i would have never done. like candy, as you can see im not one to be able to have just one. The only time i said "no" is when they said "Greg have you had enough? " Hope the best for you Brad , thanks for sharing your story, it helps me more than you know . i hope this post didnt offend anyone, just want to help. God bless you all , always & all-ways,
    gregory
    gregory

  9. #69
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    Jul 2004
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    No one chooses to be an addict. It is truly is a brain disease”

    I heard that on INTERVENTION.

    I truly believe that.

    I believe addiction is a disease, just like any other disease.

    WHY would anyone choose to be addicted to anything. Especially to something you know will harm you????

    Like I said in my previous post, I believe that we are all addicted to something…whether it is chocolate, shopping, pot, crack, alcohol, food, cigarettes, exercise, or sex…or whatever it is to fill that void… stuff down those emotions…. or escape that pain. It just depends on how extreme your addictions are that will determine where you will end up.

    Addiction is a baffling, cunning disease. It is hard to understand… and even more hard to watch a loved one go through it as it leaves you helpless to the root of it all… denial.

    I have heard every excuse… I have used them myself.

    When I was going through a very hard time last year, I would have done ANYTHING to escape the pain of my reality.

    I felt like LIFE was chasing me and I could not run fast or far enough to escape the demon that was hunting me down, trying to make me face reality and hold that mirror up to my face.

    I lost over 65 lbs and burned through 4000.00 in less than 4 months, trying to escape the reality of the fact that I was broken hearted. As if a 300.00 purse, a pair of sexy black Steven Madden shoes, or if I could just get one size smaller… I could justify those 100.00 Lucky jeans…my attitude was anything I ate was just one more thing I would have to burn off…I became obsessed… addicted in my thoughts and behaviors and I believed that somehow… if I looked good on the outside, then all those crappy, ugly, demoralizing feelings on the inside would not surface and I would not have to feel that pain in my soul. I prayed that no one would see what I was really feeling if I could just “ fake it, until I made it”… I was a pretty poor actress… no academy award here.....And guess what????? All those designer clothes in my closet did not make it all just go away and I am now facing the financial repercussions of my escapism. I could not face my denial that my life had changed drastically…with out my permission or consultation. It was insane. I lost me…..who I was to the core.

    Trust me, if I was not such a chicken shit and a health nut… I would have probably sought out another vise.

    Yeah……that spider documentary was funny… I admit.. I laughed.... but to those who deal with their addictions,that reality is anything but funny. And it is sad when, as Gregory told us, a life is lost to it or secondary health issues result from years of usage. Greg…my thoughts and prayers are with you… you have fought that battle with courage and integrity. One step at a time.

    It is hard to understand the why’s and the reason’s of addictions… I am not sure anyone knows…and I have no credentials…just observations… of what I have experienced …on both sides of the coin… I just know that recovery is about love and understanding and patience for yourself and for those you know who are battling…

    the power of love goes further and is stronger than recrimination...that compassion is far better than any amount of guilt or disapointment that you could throw at the addict...Trust me... they know.

    And as always.. I turn to other writers who may be able to put it into words better than me…..



    Sober
    By Pink

    I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
    The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
    Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
    'Cause I won't remember, save your breath
    'Cause what's the use?

    When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'til it goes bad
    'Til you're trying to find the you that you once had
    I have heard myself cry 'never again'
    Broken down in agony, just tryin' find a friend,

    I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me
    But why do I feel this party's over?
    No pain inside, you're my protection
    But how do I feel this good sober?


    Addicted
    By Kelly Clarkson

    It's like you're a demon I can't face down
    It's like I'm stuck
    It's like I'm running from you all the time
    And I know I let you have all the power
    It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
    It's like you're a leech
    Sucking the life from me
    It's like I can't breathe
    Without you inside of me
    And I know I let you have all the power
    And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time


    I'm hooked on you
    I need a fix
    I can't take it
    Just one more hit
    I promise I can deal with it
    I'll handle it, quit it
    Just one more time
    Then that's it
    Just a little bit more to get me through this

    It's like I can't breathe
    It's like I can't see anything
    Nothing but you
    I'm addicted to you
    It's like I can't think
    Without you interrupting me
    In my thoughts
    In my dreams
    You've taken over me
    It's like I'm not me
    You pass like the moon in silence
    In the warm flooded air
    Looking back to those lost opportunities
    So often missed or ignored
    A thousand times I start heading for the dawn
    Only to turn around and face this rue once more
    There 's something ahead of you
    Cy Curnin

    Don't die, with your music still inside of you.

  10. #70
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Grass Valley, CA
    Posts
    2,626
    Just read this....

    "Seek to understand... then seek to be understood..."

    Seemed fitting...
    You pass like the moon in silence
    In the warm flooded air
    Looking back to those lost opportunities
    So often missed or ignored
    A thousand times I start heading for the dawn
    Only to turn around and face this rue once more
    There 's something ahead of you
    Cy Curnin

    Don't die, with your music still inside of you.

  11. #71
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Las Vegas ...all 54 years of the life so far
    Posts
    279
    from the prayer of st francis of assisi - 1182 ad
    a great thought ...
    gregory

  12. #72
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Grass Valley, CA
    Posts
    2,626
    Originally posted by fixxgregory
    from the prayer of st francis of assisi - 1182 ad
    a great thought ...

    Thank you Greg....I did not know who wrote that....

    Another of my favorites in this situations is


    " detach with love" for those of us on the other side of the addicts behavior...

    I know it is hard not to be angry, disapointed, disgusted, hurt, betrayed, and a whole other array of negetive emotions with this person... and there will come a point when it becomes a "deal breaker" for you .... and you will no longer want to live in this toxic hell of their emotional and irrational behavior and their justifications .... I know it is hard.....especially if you love this person...It is really hard to draw that line in the sand and say " No more" ....I know, beacase I have had to do it myself... and I have fallen several times because I loved this person.

    I know it seems irrational to love that person even though you just want to slap them around and put a boot up their ass and scream " Look what you are doing to yourself, to me, to us, to our family...."

    It is hard to accept when you are dealing with a alcohol or drug controlled partner, they are having a realationship with the substance...Not You...The addiction has created an altered state of conciousness....the addiction changes them and suspends their logic, values and sadly their integrity....

    but detaching with love is really more about loving yourself than the addict.. when you stop becoming obsessed with their behaviors and concentrate on your own needs, you begin to realize you do not need to live in this kind of madness...

    You begin to realize that you have given the addict a gift... and you may be saving more than just your own life... You have to lay it down.. love your partner from afar.. forgive them in your heart... don't let their negetivity affect you .. because that is what it is... and the more negetivity you put out the more you get back... so why would you not choose love and compassion????

    substance abuse destroy's lives... I have cried an ocean of tears for the one I love...

    When Your life has been destroyed by substance abuse... nothing changes the fact that it is destroyed....And because it is a family disease... it will be passed from generation to generation...Children of addicts have a 75 % chance of becoming addicts themselves... children are the reflection of their parents and they are learning their coping skills by observation...

    Yes, it is a disease.. but like all diseses, there is a diagnoises and treatment.. and that comes down to choice....You choose to live... or you choose to eventually die....I do not need to point out the statistics that alcohol and drug abuse may eventually lead in regards to health, accidents, etc......You get one shot at this life... one chance to embrace the wonder... why not do it fully aware of what is around you.

    Choose life... life can be just a beautiful and magical with out being in an altered state... yes.. they will have to deal with the underlying issues of their pain and addiction.... but I can guarentee that they will have love, warmth, support, and compassion from those who love them if they make that choice...

    Great love and great achievement involve great risks....where there is love.. there is always miricles.
    Last edited by Jeanne Thelen; 10-02-2009 at 11:47 AM.
    You pass like the moon in silence
    In the warm flooded air
    Looking back to those lost opportunities
    So often missed or ignored
    A thousand times I start heading for the dawn
    Only to turn around and face this rue once more
    There 's something ahead of you
    Cy Curnin

    Don't die, with your music still inside of you.

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